Hibernation

HIBERNATION

Hmm. I've been staring at the screen of Mr. PB for a couple of minutes now... and I still dunno where to start.

(Sigh) They've displayed empathy, it's just that, generally speaking, I SHOULD just thank them in return. The remorse still hasn't kicked in, and I know it's still somewhere inside. I don't need their pity, but I want 'em. I'm thinking that their messages and displays of concern might trigger the need to give in.

Pathetic. That's my current state.

I guess this is one of my weaknesses. There were several times in a year that I just feel like slacking off, and forget to at least eat decently. Even if I'm in a crucial situation, I really can't pass on this 'hibernating season' thingy. If I won't give it some space? I tend to function like a retard or something. I tend to respond slower to everything, or some things happens because I'm less like me. Most of my friends regard me as opinionated, and yes, I really am, guilty as charge, therefore its quite noticeable if I'm not in the mood because I tend to stay quiet (or at least less loud) and you will just know it- or unless you need to buy a new pairof glasses. Tsk tsk .

After my brother's death, I suddenly realized I can take advantage of the situation. I've been thinking of applying for a bereavement leave, and aside from freeing myself for a while with all the responsibilities, it'll also serve as an excuse to, say... getting the chance  to at least pamper myself- mentally and emotionally- even just for a while.

Though it may sound inappropriate, I'm thinking of executing this for my own wellness. Not because I'm grieving of my brother's passing but because I myself, am dying inside. whew... emo? 

For the last couple of days I was able to vent out (at least online) by joining in social networking sites, playing applications I haven't checked for a while and sort out unread emails, sort and explore my Mr. P.B.'s intestines.  Talk about trying hard to meet new people and coping up with your to-do list. I was also able to update my blog, which, btw, is quite obvious already. Hahaha =)

But guess what? My rest day's about to be over and I still don't feel fine. WTH is wrong  me this time?

Well yeah, maybe I just need to cry out, just like what I always prescribe myself with. Self-medication? I guess so. As I've told a good friend I met online... "Nobody knows you better than yourself."

If I'd be able to cry tonight (or at least before we attend my cousin's birthday celebration tomorrow, for sure I'll function well for my Sunday morning shift by then on. But if not? Hmmm, I'd probably pass on going back to work on Sunday. I know its not the right thing to do, but, hey! At least I know how to take care of these things just by myself. Lemme just do it my way.

He's not functioning well either... so...