Random thoughts...

After a couple of drafts, and tons of barely started blogs (prematurely saved in my Mr. PB's docs), here I am now, coming in with a temporary solution to my lack of motivation to finish what I started and as to make my thoughts flourish on my net space.

Let me just sum up all the things that has been bothering my system lately. These paragraphs below were supposedly discussed on separate blog posts, and since I lack motivation lately, let me just vent it out this way:

• My dad was here with me for a week, and within those couple of days I appreciated him more, yet most of the time he's been this stubborn older version of me. Darn, I just wish I won't grow old like him, he was such a headache. Lam ko na kung san ako nagmana ng katigasan ng ulo. Hehe. He stayed here to process his SSS papers, he's planning to file his Disability Benefit Claim (since it is already confirmed, he has Parkinson's) and from then on file his Early Retirement... or wait for another 7mos. for the normal one. I dunno, we're still talking about these things.
• I'm sort of considering resigning by the end of May- but not really. T'was just a thought. Well, considerably enough, I want to go back to school already, but I won't take up the full load at once, I just realized that I won't make good grades if I'd go with the normal curriculum. Though of course, I'll certainly pass, I just want to get- not just good- but high grades (hmm, at least no grades below 2.0?). I can now move on with my own pace, considering I'm planning to be a working student. Whoa, dakila! I just thought that if I'd go on a full load this school year (while jumbling my time working in a call center at night), needless to say I might just end up getting almost the same grades I had last sem. Well, a bit better maybe since I already have access to most resources I need (i.e. internet connection, laptop, videocams and tons of help I could get from my batchmates whom took those subjects already). But still, I don't want to push myself too hard. Baby steps ika nga.
• Workplace-wise, everything's quite lighter already. We already got the hang of being transferred to another team from time to time (therefore being under different supervisors), SBR, CCD and the new metrics. (Sorry for the internal terms, but if you wish to ask me more about 'em kindly send me a message and I'll definitely answer back.
• With regard to money matters, well, aside from making things go my way by asking my dad to just stay with me here in Manila instead of being alone in Caloocan, my  brother's thinking of transferring to PUP-Commonwealth is such a bad timing! We're also thinking of moving to another place, somewhere we could really call a HOME, compared to what I'm living in now (a small room sharing the kitchen, comfort and bath and laundry area with your unit mates, what the heck, right?), and also just yesterday morning my cousin just died in Ilo-ilo. Though I deeply felt bad about it (last time I saw him was way back my highschool years, even her mom, my Tita Tess, died already without me seeing them), I just felt even more stressed with the fact that my other aunt is asking me to chip in some cash. Panibagong gastos. But it's okay, we're family anyways, so no biggie. It's just that, I just finished paying off some debts and now I'd be forced to borrow some again. My salary's not that high, seriously, but really, its hard when they know you CAN provide.
• Personal connections are pretty loose since this year kicked in. I barely communicate with my friends and highschool batchmates in Caloocan anymore, plus the fact that I stopped schooling for a year, it's been one hell of a less bonded year for me. Though I get to dine out or watch movies (and of course talk about just everything we could think of) with Magic 10 every once in a while, which usually happens if there are events or things to celebrate, I still miss the good 'ole days with my HS best pals. I've been busy as well, aside from my unpleasant work schedule, the hassle of travelling from Caloocan to Makati, I just tend to pick staying here at home in Manila, sleep or go online in between my rest days.
• My mom passed her Nursing Board Exam already (#1475 on the alphabetical listing), and pretty soon she'll probably fly to US and would try her luck nursing Americans alongside my Ninang Liling.  Sigh. I smell long distance relationship soon. Right now she's living with my youngest bro in Valenzuela, and since we're a broken family, how far could she go more? On the other hand, my dad's involuntary movement of his hands made him incapable of doing such things- sad to say including working and household chores. That's why I've decided that I'll fetch him and he'll move in with me and my brother, next month or by the end of summer.
• Another thing that bothers me most if my motivation to go to work. I've been feeling kinda low these past few weeks. Aside from the hassle of my 3am, and now 2am because of DST- shift, I felt less motivated since most of my batchmates went resigning already. Not that they're the only people I'm comfortable with at work, but rather I've already felt 'at home' with their company. Sigh. Anyways, I've been dealing with it for months now, so I probably I'll just get on by.
• There are a lot of things I wish to accomplish, managing personal stuffs and everything, due to these things aforementioned, I'm having a hard time finishing (and some I can't even start) them. Honestly, if you'll look into my browser bookmarks, desktop virtual post its and task pad, you'll notice there are so many things I've jotted down that I can't even remember which one I've planned first, which is for what and all. Not to mention all the online space materials I've saved in here. Sigh and double sigh. I need all the time I could get a hold of!
• Lastly, what's up with Mr. PB? Well, at times unexpected things happen but most of the time? It is complicated. We are and we will always be- I guess.

Whew, tired of reading my random thoughts already? I must say these were just the few things on top of my head now, there's more to come for sure, so just check back every now and then.