Level up?

NP: Save You (Kelly Clarkson)

Mood: Mind's kinda blurry - Squeezing hard my creative juices

Dungeon: My room - 11:38am

It has been ongoing for days now, and for some reason I dunno why instead of being completely happy, I'm sort of afraid.

I honestly felt cold reading through the rebuttals, segues and brush-offs. Not that I’m wishing the truth would eventually come out that way (which I might think sweet at first but come to think of it, confessing virtually? FAIL), but I think its more of being afraid. Oh, did I just blurted I do fear something? Kelan pa?

Well anyways, how’s it been going?

In terms of the ‘environment’ it was kinda awkward to the point that we tend to be cautious of our stance, distance and all portals of public communication. Not so affected, well, yeah, because we’re both brushing it off. I mean, yes, there’s nothing going on so, we have every right to just keep things the way it is, we’re not affecting anybody in any way anyways.

High point is that, we’ve grown closer. Honestly speaking, before, when we get the chance to be alone, there’s this awkward air in between. I mean, not that we’re intimidated by each other, it’s just that (I guess) we’re still a bit holding back as to how we’d carry on with the situation? I dunno how to at least describe how it made me feel, but bottomline is that, now we simply can sit down, talk about random things, ask how our hours (or our day for that matter) had gone by, and laugh off at each other’s stories- plainly happy together. Hm hm hm.

So what do I still fear about?

I dunno, the consequences perhaps? The what-ifs if there is actually a what-if? The fear that, maybe I’m expecting to harvest something from a non-fruit bearing tree? Or the fear that I might be the driver all along (and if I could actually stand that) …or that I’ve already dug down so deep that I couldn’t even raise myself back to the main land.

I’ve actually tried to change lanes, but, I just keep on tracing back the rails that’ll take me to where I’m actually headed to. Aside from the fact that my system apparently went berserk when I tried to push myself away from our ‘unwritten schedules’, it just made me more unconditioned.

Therefore I gave in. I’ve tried to walk again and traced my footsteps back to my destination, and fortunately I gain control once again.

But then again apparently, the taking charge apparently was too much.

Hell broke out when we’ve break lose.

*p.s gotta sleep now, rough draft